Sometimes I feel desperately lonely. Why? Why should I need other people to feel normal? I ask myself that question whenever I get this way.

Last night, Nate was with Linzy, and Stuffy’s in Illinois, and whenever I kept thinking of someone else I could go hang out with, in my mind I convinced myself that they were probably with so-and-so and were perfectly content. That’s a bad way to think. Why would I think that way? Then I started getting resentful. Resentful of being alone while everyone else has someone. At that point I realized that I had to do something to get out of my own head, so I went bike riding.

I think somewhere deep inside me is the notion that suffering equals uniqueness. I feel that if I suffer, I’m somehow more special, and that makes me better than other people. But the question is, why do I want to be better than other people? And the cycle continues.

I didn’t used to need to be with people all the time.