I had a long time to myself on the way back from Arkansas to think.

The thing that blows me away about marriage is the whole “freely giving” thing. Freely giving yourself to someone else. I have a history of doing this and getting my heart broken. I think most of the time, people have done it without knowing it and not on purpose.

The first time I remember really being hurt was by my youth pastor. I looked up to him probably more than anyone in my life at the time, and then one day, he told us he was leaving. Just like that. Leaving. It broke my heart.

Then there was the debacle of my relationship with Emily. Due to poor timing and very poor communication and misunderstandings, it left me in shambles.

More recently it has happened with my friends. I’ve written all about this many times. I think this weekend I realized how much I’ve hardened my heart to protect myself. Read the rest of this entry »