I’m at work today, but feeling blah. I caught something when I went to visit Brian last weekend.
I went to church last week for the first time in years. It was a small gathering at a middle school in Louisville. The band opened with a series of praise songs, all but one of which I’ve sung so many times in high school. I laughed to myself about that. Some things never change.
The message was about thanksgiving of course, but it was also about guarding your thoughts. Throughout the sermon, I kept thinking, “This is impossible.” Doing all the things the bible says to do is impossible. That’s one thing I never really understood. I really tried my best to be perfect in the past, and it tore me apart. I talked to Brian about this afterwards, and he said that the best we can do is try to keep the bible in mind, and over time we’ll get closer to doing what it says to do. I guess I knew that, but it’s something I never truly understood in high school.
It seems to me that the key to a successful Christian life is underlying motivation. Why should I follow the bible? Why should I try so hard to do all these things that are impossible to do perfectly? I asked myself that, and I’m not sure. Part of it is that it makes me feel clean. I know what the answer to those questions is supposed to be: “Because I love God and I want to serve him” and all that. And that’s true I guess. I feel like God hasn’t ever let me down in these past few years when I really needed help. But I don’t really know how I feel about it right now.
Do I doubt my salvation? Not really, no. I don’t feel like that I never really truly believed, because I think I did. The issue now is trying to find a faith that I can get behind and really believe. Whatever faith I had before wasn’t really my faith. At least not completely.
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I stayed home sick today due to a sore throat. It started to hit me last night, and I tried to head it off by eating crap tons of vitamin C, but alas. Nate is sick, too. We suspect we got it from the theme park we went to on Saturday.
My homebrew is ready to drink today, too, but unfortunately until I get better I won’t be drinking any.
I did manage to finish off Harry Potter 6 though. It read incredibly fast this time around. Only two days left until 7! I’m going to have to start my media blackout very soon to avoid any more spoilers. I’ve already seen one, and I’m quite keen on avoiding any more.
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So after spending all week out sick, I’m finally back at work. I still can’t taste or smell anything, though. I’ve read a ton this week, finishing off Children of the Mind, and I’m already almost halfway through Ender’s Shadow.
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This past week I spent some time with people I care about, and it’s been great. Balls, Swiss, Stuffy, AP, Cowboy, Burly, Scott, Mitch, Nate, Matt, and more. Friends are what makes life worth getting out of bed for. I found myself thinking a few days ago that memories are harder to come by now, but that’s not true. There are still memories to be had, memories to create and be apart of. I still fear the day when friends will leave to pursue their own futures, but then, I have my own future to pursue in due time. But now, now is the time for making memories.
I’ve been sick for the past few days, but I should be back to work tomorrow. I did get some work done here today at home. I’ve read a lot, and eaten a lot of soup. I’m just about done with Children of the Mind, and then on to the next installment. I expect I have enough books to last me at least until Harry Potter 7 comes out. 
I’ve already decided I’m gonna take a couple days vacation for reading when the time comes. I’m a geek.
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Today I went to a specialist doctor for some testing, and I found out he apparently knows nothing else about other bodily functions besides his specialization. I go in and tell the doctor my symptoms, and he shrugs them off, and pretty much says, “Well, it’s not [X], so I’m peacin’ outta here. Lata.”
What a douche-whore.
He didn’t even tell me what else could be wrong or wait for me to ask any more questions. Pissed me off. So now I’m on my own to figure out what else it could be.
Oh yeah, another thing. This morning I took the bus a little earlier than normal. The first bus ride was fine, and then I got off as usual to transfer to another bus. There are two busses that come by where I was waiting, and the first one that came by wasn’t the one I was waiting for. So I tried to wave him off so he didn’t have to stop, but I think he took it offensively because he pulled a face. In a few minutes the bus I wanted to get on comes by… and doesn’t even slow down! Either the first guy radio’d him and told him not to pick me up, or he just didn’t think I was getting on because I had been looking the other way when he came by. I had to wait another 25 minutes. Ghey.
I started up Dark Age of Camelot again yesterday. >| I was bored. We’ll see how long I last.
Stuffy’s heading to England today. We’ll miss him. We hope he doesn’t die.
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