Stuffy and Leah got married over the weekend. I got back with Cowboy, Mitch and Carlos around 6pm yesterday (which is a story in itself). I got into work today, and Burly asked me via IM if I was emotionally drained because of the wedding. And the answer I gave was… No! I thought to myself, this must be what normal people feel like after a fun weekend.
Anyway, I guess I hadn’t thought about the fact that I wasn’t drained until Burly asked. I feel like it’s a big step for me. Ever since I started spending time with God again, things have been getting better and better for me. I’ve been able to be myself around more people without feeling drained. I think part of that just comes from life experience and being put into these situations more and more, but a big part of it comes from the support I get from God.
In the past I’ve used the analogy of treading water to describe what it’s like to stay ahead of depression. Sometimes you have to use all your limbs and strength to keep from going under. There’s no land in sight, with only the occasional driftwood to hold on to. With God, I feel more like I have something to stand on, so I have more energy to do other things. I don’t like stupid God analogies like you see on church billboards, but this one is actually true for me.
I’m still trying to figure out how I’m supposed to live, and what God’s place is for me. I doubt that I’ll ever really nail it down, but I’m trying I guess. Maybe that’s all that matters.
Posted in God, introspect, trip |
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A couple of weeks ago I decided that if the weather turned cold again, I would go skiing. I was tired of trying to coordinate a ski trip, since everyone is either really busy all the time or not really interested, so I made up my mind to go regardless of if anyone else was going or not. Last week it turned cold again, so I announced that I was going skiing, and anyone who wanted to go, could.
It turns out that one of the first people I told was Matt, who really wanted to go, too. Matt asked his brother-in-law and sister if we could stay with them, and they agreed. They helped us out a lot.
So right after Joey’s recital on Saturday afternoon, we left for Dave’s and Ginger’s place in Virginia. We got there a bit after midnight, slept, and got up early on Sunday to drive to the ski resort. We were gonna go to Wintergreen, but it turned out that Winterplace in West Virginia was a little closer, a little cheaper, and the forecast was a little better. So we went there instead. Read the rest of this entry »
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I went to Virginia this year again with Matt and Catherine to see the Singletons/Kelderhouses/Taylors. It was great.
Their family is very unusual; they all love spending time together for days at a time. They have so much love for each other; one can’t help but feel loved just being around them. They touch me in a way that I doubt they even know about. I found myself fighting back tears multiple times while listening to their family play music together. My emotional walls broke down, and I learned things about myself.
God reaches me when I’m with them. I see the power of God’s blessing on them, and it makes me consider my own relationship with God.
A lot of the time in social situations, I try to be like a fly on the wall. Maybe I secretly feel like I have nothing to add. So it’s kind of odd when someone reaches out to me in a meaningful way that touches my heart, because I’m not used to it. When I go visit the Singletons, it feels like my spirit wakes up more than any other time. As good of friends that my group of friends is, I don’t feel the overflowing love like I do with Matt’s family.
“I never knew how empty was my soul, until it was filled.”
Matt and Catherine and I also had some really great conversations during the trips there and back. We talked about relationships and personalities and things that matter. I was able to say some things that have been on my mind for ages, and I learned things. More than anything, I enjoy connecting with another human being, and I feel like I did that this weekend. It empowers me.
It’s hard to know exactly how much and in what way you affect someone else’s life.
Tags: belonging, emotion, God
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I’m in Orlando now for RubyConf. When I am on a trip, I have apparently developed a habit of waking up after only a couple hours sleep and not being able to go back to bed. So, since I’m awake, I figured I’d write a blog post.
The creator of Ruby, Matz, gave a keynote this morning to open the conference. He talked about how love is the driving force behind Ruby. It’s his love of programming languages that drove him to design Ruby and the love of the Ruby community that has kept it going. Other Japanese speakers gave talks, too, and they were very passionate. It’s obvious that they care a great deal for what Ruby has become. It’s hard not to be touched by it.
Having been in the Ruby community for 3 years or so now, I’ve discovered some things about the kind of people who use Ruby. It seems like several of the people who are big names in the community are somewhat insecure. They need to be in the spotlight. Sometimes, they’re also assholes. There are very cool Ruby developers, too, but to be well-known, it seems like you have to be something of an ass. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted in code, confs, trip |
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So after months and months, Matt’s wedding was finally this weekend. I took off work Friday in order to make the drive to Arkansas for the rehearsal. I made it with plenty of time, and we played frisbee beforehand. The rehearsal itself was a bit rough for me, as there was a lot of conversation in various groups during the downtime. Thankfully, I had my iPod and a book.
After the rehearsal, we had dinner. It was an emotional experience. Matt’s brother-in-law gave the toast, telling the story of how Matt and Cat started dating. Cat’s sister, Kara, also told her bit. Then it snowballed a bit to everyone opening up about their feelings towards Matt and Cat. It was a very powerful time. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted in friends, relationships, trip |
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