I played pick-up ultimate frisbee tonight at Belmont with a bunch of freshmen. The school year just started a week ago. It was a lot of fun. The freshmen guys and girls were good people. There’s still that one douche bag upperclassmen, but hey, 1 out of 30 isn’t so bad. Compared to summer league, 1:30 is a great ratio (as opposed to like 1:5).

I met a lot of people, which I haven’t done in a long time. Most of the time I don’t even try to learn the names of new people that show up, but tonight was different. There’s something about being around a group of people who are in a new college environment and eager to meet people. It’s easier for me to meet people when cliques haven’t already formed.

It made me almost feel like I was part of the dorm family again. Like I belonged again. I know that’s not the best thing to say, since I have great friends. But this was different.

I also realized how much I like encouraging people. Frisbee gives me an avenue to do that. When someone drops a pass, “Hey, good try man, no worries.” I can only really be encouraging when I feel encouraged myself, and tonight was the first time I felt that way in a good amount of time. For the past month or so I’ve been a little sad. Always a little sadness underneath it all. Tonight there was no sadness; at least while I was out there playing.

I know that I can’t go back to college and live in a dorm again. That life is over and gone. But maybe I can learn to encourage people who need it. One day, perhaps years from now, maybe I’ll have what it takes to be a counselor. Or a teacher.

It felt good to be encouraged again. To be around people that are trying to find their way in a new situation made me feel a little better subconsciously I guess, because I’m still trying to find my way. Still fighting it.

You know, as bad as things seem sometimes, there’s always an out. Sometimes it seems that a problem I’m going through will last forever. But I can reconcile. I can communicate. I can resolve. I forget that sometimes.

It makes me feel better that I’m not helpless. A lot of times I get myself emotionally worked up, and I corner myself into thinking that it will never end. But it does end. Change happens.

And yet, every time change comes, I fight it tooth and nail.

I played ultimate tonight with the Belmont folks for the first time in a couple of months it seems like. I am physically exhausted. I’m kinda drained emotionally, too.

Vandy ultimate intramural signups are this week. Sweet. Looks like our team is going to kick serious ass this year.

Played ultimate frisbee pick-up with the Belmont folks tonight for the first time in a couple of months. It was pretty awesome. On one play though, my foot nailed the back of someone’s heel. A couple of my toes are still swollen. The guy I was guarding said he thought I almost broke the skin on his heel.

I feel out of place sometimes hanging out with those guys. They’re all great, but they’re in college. They’re at a place in life that I was in over two years ago, and that’s not my place anymore. Part of me really wants to try to fit in their group, but I know I could only fit in so much. It wouldn’t be the same.

And I don’t need it to be. College was awesome, but it’s over.

I did some things today that I’m kind of embarrassed about.

On another note, I got the Radiohead In Rainbows box set in the mail today! I had forgotten that it was coming soon. It’s pretty cool.

Just got back from Sunday ultimate frisbee pick-up. It was a blast, the most fun I’ve had in a long time.

Today was a little better. I got some work done on a project I’ve been working on for a couple months now. Got in the zone a bit. It’s always good to feel productive and to put your hands to something you care about.

I went to ultimate tonight. It wasn’t half bad. I didn’t really get yelled at, and I managed to make a few good plays. I don’t like having to “prove myself”, but at least I felt good about my play. Still no new friends made. Everyone on my team seems to already have their cliques formed with people here and there and aren’t too keen on making new friends. Only one or two seem genuinely friendly. Tweaked my ankle a bit I think. The cleats I have aren’t too ankle-friendly.

I found my iPod shuffle, which I had figured got lost during the move. So that’s a plus.

There’s still a lot of turmoil going on inside me. I just have to try to understand it. I had a hard time sleeping last night.