I’ve been a loner all of my life. I grew up alone and kept to myself. (During the one year I spent at Belmont, I was a different person than I had ever been before.) I am now working at home, alone. I know how to be alone, but I don’t always like it. With my friends, I have always been the life of the party. I used to feel uncomfortable with them, like I didn’t fit in. I don’t feel that anymore; however, the closest people to me in my life are my parents and my boyfriend. I make small efforts to let my friends in by spending time with, which doesn’t happen often. I’ve always felt like most people I know don’t know me.

I too attached myself to people and was let down when they disappeared out of my life. If you perceive it differently, you could say that you were able to let him in and learn from him. Some people aren’t meant to be in our lives forever, and that’s okay, even though it hurts.

While I was living in Fort Wayne, I was miserable. I didn’t have a friend at all, except for my bosses who screwed me over in the end. Because of my position at work, new people that I met took advantage of me and I didn’t trust anyone. I started seeing a career counselor who was also a clinical psychologist. While I have never had that one consistent friend to talk to, I’ve found therapists to be really helpful. I grew up during those two years.

I learned:
1) Your friends will listen if you give them a chance, you have to reach out. Hardening yourself for protection will not get you what you want. I still struggle with asking for help.

2) Perception is half the battle. Every now and then I start to get down on myself. Most of the time it’s my own irrational thinking that gets me down.

There was a book that I used that helped quite a bit. There are exercises in it and to understand they are essential to complete over a period of time. It’s also helpful to talk about them with someone, maybe a counselor. I would be willing to listen as well. I’m no psychologist, but I would try to help. The exercises taught me how to recognize when I was spiralling down and how to stop it.

The book is “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy” by David D. Burns, MD.

You might consider community service. There is something to be said about giving to others; it might help you fulfill the need to love and be loved. Try to strengthen the bond with some of your friends/family and strengthen the bond you have with yourself. God is still there.

Also, I recommend giving The Anchor Fellowship. That’s where I used to go to church when I was in Nashville. And if you want something to wrap your brain around until you find a good church, the church I go to here (which is in a bar,btw) has a podcast. Check out RevolutionNYC.com for more info.

<3 <3